There is just one jam ... ... and it's Hartley's No-Bits Apricot. Yet it is becoming harder and harder to find. Virtually impossible in North East Hampshire.
And when it comes to chocolate, Cadbury's Bourneville 200g dark chocolate is pretty good value for money. Except that they just reduced it in size to 180g bars. And I can't find it in my local Tescos (or indeed Tesco.com), my local Waitrose or the nearest Aldi.
It's the End of the World As We Know It.
I am concerned that not enough people give this topic the mature thought it deserves.
I like smooth, no bits jam. I appreciate that there are those among you who prefer jam to include the chewy bits that would normally be thrown away. In my view you should eat more bran, but if you really want contaminated jam then that's fine with me. And your dentist, I expect.
However, what I am looking for is an equal opportunity jam world. I want supermarkets to stack their shelves with both "smooth jam" and "jam with detritus". As it is, we are being railroaded into a "jam with detritus" world, where the big manufacturers bulk up their sales and profits by including stuff that ethical manufacturers would bin. Then, if you want to buy DJ (detritus jam) - presumably to go with your Tesco value sugar drinks and multipack crisps - so be it. It is not for me to judge your appalling dietary habits. But leave me free to buy smooth jam. Specifically smooth apricot jam.
Having disposed of DJ, let's move to chocolate.
I fully appreciate that more sophisticated palates than mine will insist on Green and Blacks chocolate or some similar concoction normally favoured by Old Etonian Toryboys. That's fine. I will admit that upon occasion I have partaken of smidgen of their Butterscotch or Mint Crisp and I am perfectly cognisant of the fact that they bring unique and toothsome pleasure to the palate. However, when I am thirsty I typically drink water, not single malt Scotch. Now I could look down my nose at water drinkers and inveigle them into drinking Ardbeg Uigeadail, but, when it comes to quenching thirst, truth in advertising compels me to admit that water does a better job.
So it is with chocolate. Four squares of a Cadburys Bourneville bar meet my recommended daily nutritional requirement for chocolate (which as we all know is a basic foodstuff). Upon special occasions, such as Saturday Night, I may upgrade myself to Hotel Chocolat or truffles or Godiva to go with my 1970 vintage port (which is drinking quite well, thank you for asking) but when I am editing photographs or video then a cube of Cadburys is all I need to power me through.
So I continued in my quest to find some locally. Eventually, on a somewhat scruffy shelf at Morrisons in Reading, I espied 13 bars. I bought them all. In three months' time when they are a collectors' item, I will eBay them. I may be prepared to swap a bar for a Nikon 70-200mm VRII lens, but only if it is in mint condition. Mmm. Mint! Yummy.
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