Fortunately his maternal grandmother, showing a burst of speed that I had previously only observed in Olympic sprinters and dexterity that would do a circus acrobat proud, had crossed the room in a fraction of a second and grabbed him by the trousers as his head disappeared over the armrest. I am pleased to report this was more successful, up to a point. It certainly stopped him from braining himself.
However, the whole experience was just so much fun that he did it again, with mirthful laughter. He didn't quite say "More!", possibly because at the age of eleven months he has not yet mastered the full richness of the English tongue, but more is what he wanted. What had been a heart-stopping moment for us had become an exciting game for him.
It was time for distraction. We got him down to ground level - always safer - and showed him how to stack thingummies. You know what I mean: these small bucket-shaped bits of plastic that can either all fit inside each other or can stack up to the perfect height for a toddler to knock down with one swing of his hand. These toys are near-useless. They require about a minute of grandparent time to assemble and a second of toddler time to demolish.
So we put him on the rocking-horse. This is a toddler-sized rocking horse with wooden railings around the seat to make it safe. He hasn't yet fully mastered the art of rocking, so I gave him his bunny. I should explain that this isn't some kind of mystic bunny that would magically instil in him the necessary knowledge and physical co-ordination to enable him to make the horse rock. It is rather a fairly tired-looking blue bunny which he typically interacts with by shoving it in his mouth and chewing. It is his favourite toy and I thought it would save him from feeling inadequate while sitting motionless on the rocking horse.
He then did the old toddler trick of Checking If Gravity Is Still Working. Bunny landed head-first on the floor and neither granny nor grandad sprang to catch him, probably because he doesn't have any brains to knock out. However, I did slowly move my hand towards bunny, possibly because I was a little tired. Grandson thought it was hilarious and infectious giggles bubbled from his lips. I picked up bunny and offered it to grandson, pulling it away just as he was about to take it. He laughed even harder. (As a word of caution to the reader: this is really funny only the first time you snatch the toy away. The second time provokes no laughter and the third brings tears.). I then passed over bunny, secure in the knowledge that grandson would now hold on to it tightly to stop me getting it.
He dropped bunny again. Yes, yes, yes, gravity was still working. My hand gently stole towards this used-to-be-blue saliva-ridden toy. Laughter bubbled forth. I raised it towards his hands and then snatched it away. He chortled. I passed it over and within seconds he was testing gravity again.
I might still have been there had it not been time for his Afternoon Nap. I have an absolutely charming daughter-in-law who has never spoken to me with anything but kindness and yet I somehow deeply feared her returning from her outing and finding her first-born had not yet had his sleep.
Being a grandad I am not particularly competent with anything under about twenty five years of age, preferably older, so I thought the logical way for my grandson to have a nap was for me to put him in his cot. I did this and within a couple of seconds the most piteous cries were emanating from his general direction. His big eyes were full of tears and his lower lip was trembling. I knew from the strict instructions that he is not to be picked up at nap time, so I picked him up and cuddled him.
Five minutes later he was asleep. I gently placed him in the cot and tip-toed away. Shortly thereafter my much-loved daughter-in-law arrived and was pleased to hear that her son was asleep. I stole away from the house before she could ask too many searching questions.
Posts
