This last weekend my current wife (still Colleen in case you were worried) stayed in a pleasant hotel in Wiltshire, playing bridge.
As we were leaving to come home, I noticed that the satnav was showing delays on the M4 near Reading. We hadn't done much more than 15 miles (24 km) before that satnav directed us off the M4 and on to a broad country road near Hungerford. I saw a good number of other cars also coming off, so I suppose their satnavs were doing the same: Hungerford is not one of your tourist hotspots.
We tootled along merrily for about a quarter of an hour until Mr Satnav directed us on to a country lane. For those of you who haven't been on an English country lane I should perhaps explain they are roughly a foot (30cm) wider than your car. It doesn't matter what kind of car you have: you will always find the edges of the road - typically hedges - are a few inches from your car.
Which makes oncoming traffic interesting.
Now my car can comfortably do 100mph (162kph). On these lanes I typically go 20-30 mph. When I come across a car coming in the other direction at 40-50mph, we first brake. Now comes the next bit of fun, assuming we haven't collided. Every few hundred yards, the road briefly widens to allow cars to pass. Sometimes the nearest such place is behind you, so you have to reverse along the lane which mysteriously has become even narrower: if you avoid hitting the hedge three or four times you are doing well.
So there I was, pootling along the lane when I looked in my rear view mirror. I could see about 20 cars queueing up behind me but - who knows? - there may have been 200, or 2,000. And in most of those cars there was probably an angry driver, risking a heart attack, shouting "Come on, GrandPa!"
Which is when I noticed a tractor coming in the other direction.
Which placed me in a bit of a quandary.
There was no way the farmer would be able to reverse his tractor and trailer. On the other hand, I could not imagine 20 cars (or 200 or 2,000) reversing until we came to a place where the lane had been widened enough for the tractor to pull in.
I was having one of those "Bless my soul" moments when, without warning, as it was about 100 yards (91.1 metres) away the farmer turned into a field. I don't mean he physically transmogrified into a field but he steered his tractor there, freeing up the lane. The drivers of 20 (or 200 or 2,000) cars breathed a sigh of relief and shortly thereafter we turned on to the A339 and drove happily home.
Satnavs. What would we do without them?
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