14 Things to Know About the Lake District

1. The sheep are not toilet trained.  Nor are the cows.  
2. But you are expected to be.  Bring a trowel and a roll of loo paper.
3. You are welcome to pop into the Youth Hostels, even though you are no longer a youth.  Here you will find tea and coffee making facilities.  And a loo. 
4. Everyone you meet is friendly.  Really friendly.  The other walkers, the B&B owners, the shopkeepers.  Except for one farmer.
5. The word "boggy" in the guide book can mean anything from a bit of mud to a swamp.  Colleen and I each discovered one of the latter.
6. Don't trust the weather forecast.  Unless it says "changeable".
7. B&Bs are luxurious, mostly.  The best we found was Old Water View, in Patterdale, just south of Ullswater.
8. The Lake District is the wettest part of England.  This summer was the wettest summer for 100 years.  Just as Eskimos have more than 100 words for snow, in the Lake District they have vast numbers of words for water: "beck", "tarn", "gill", "mere" and even, imaginatively, "water".
9. You will sweat.  For the first time in her life, even Colleen sweated.
10. Book a B&B with a bath.  Lying in a hot bath at the end of the day is exquisite.
11. It shouldn't be called the Lake District.  The correct name should be the Bloody Great Mountains with Lots of Bogs District.  Or possibly the Bloody Great Mountains with Lots of Bogs and Some Pretty Streams and Waterfalls District.
12. They have even more words for mountain: "crag", "dodd", "fell", "pike", "knott" and even "head".  Clearly they are trying to tell you something.
13. Even when the rain is beating down, with drops dripping off your nose, your legs ankle deep in bog and your body sweating under the waterproofs, remember this: you will survive.  Like it or not.
14. The mind is a strange thing.  You will look back on the hike with pleasure.