Me, the Devil and Kiev

I received a heart-rending email from my Neighbour earlier today.  Here's the email trail that followed:
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6th January 2014 at 03:23

I'm writing this with tears in my eyes, my family and I came down here to  Kiev, Ukraine  for a short vacation,unfortunately we were mugged at the park of the hotel where we stayed all cash,credit card and mobile phone were stolen off us but luckily we still have our passports with us.

We've been to the Embassy and the Police here but they're not helping issues at all the bad news is our flight will be leaving in less than 8-hrs from now but we're having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won't let us leave until we settle the bills.

I'll need your help (LOAN) financially of £2,500 . I promise to make the refund once we get back home. Please let me know if i can count on you and i need you to keep checking your email because it's the only way i can reach you.

Dave

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I love these emails, but I seldom have the time to give them the TLC they so richly deserve.  But in the spirit of New Year I thought I should try.  So here we go ...

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6th January 2014 at 08:47

Sure thing, Dave.  What do I need to do?

Sean

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6th January 2014 at 08:51  

I'm so glad to read from you,I need £2,500 . but if the whole amount can't be covered, I would gladly appreciate any amount you can put in to help. you can have the money wired to me via Western Union. Have it wired to my name and present location, here are the details you need to have it wired to me..

Name: David xxxx
Address: Tarasa Shevchenka Blvd, 37/122, Kiev, Ukraine
City:  Kiev
Country: Ukraine

   I still have my passport here with me to claim the funds.Once you are done with the transfer at the western union e-mail me the Confirmation details(MTCN) for the pickup of the funds.

Waiting to read from you soon.

Dave

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Hey, he wants to read from me.  So I'll give him something to read.  Let's see if he is really linked into a hotel ...

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6th January 2014 at 09:05

Hey Dave

The money isn’t a problem.  If you need more let me know.

However I looked around.  The nearest  Western Union is 45 miles away and my car’s in for service.  However, I could electronically send the amount to the hotel.  Which hotel is it?

Take care, buddy.

Sean

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6th January 2014 at 09:10

The Major problem is that the Hotel c-card is faulty and needs to be fixed, the best way you can send money to me is via Western Union, you can locate a Western Union by looking at their website www.westernunion.com/locator or you can get it done online using your c-card just visit their website, Let me know if you're having any difficulties getting it done so i can put you through it.

E-mail asap.

David

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OK, a bit coy about the hotel.  Not really surprising.  But I care about Dave and he's offered to put me through it so let's get a phone number ...

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6th January 2014 at 09:40

Hi Dave 

I've tried but I am struggling. Can't figure out how to do it. Can I phone you?

Sean

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6th January 2014 at 09:44

don't have access to a phone here in Kiev, look out for any Stores around you they might have Western  Union in there, keep trying.

David

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I'm getting bored now.  Let's have a final bit of fun ...

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6th January 2014 at 14:04 (note: this was sent by me)

AUTO RESPONSE:

I am on duty at present and cannot get to personal mail.

If urgent, please contact me at the National Cyber Crime Unit http://www.nationalcrimeagency.gov.uk/about-us/what-we-do/national-cyber-crime-unit or on the switchboard 0370 496 7622 who can put you through to me.

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and, strangely, there's been no reply to that last email from me.  Just as I thought we were striking up a close friendship, or at least a commercial one.  Sad, really.

FYI: if you get this kind of email, I suggest you forward it asap to the domain name it came from.  For example, I forwarded this original email to abuse@aol.com.  Similarly there's abuse@yahoo.com, abuse@gmail.com and so on.  If you tell the domain owner, they will generally monitor or suspend the account.